you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
