i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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