meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize