Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize