yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
