wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
