I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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