You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
