So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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