i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
