I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize