so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
