I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
