you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Watching her eat just hurts me
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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