So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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