I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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