I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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