Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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