Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
