I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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