Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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