oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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