I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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