Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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