So drunk its hurt
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
