i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
