Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
