I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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