I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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