Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
