Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Couch. On fire.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
