There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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