she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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