life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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