i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
we're making bets on your personal life
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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