My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
