no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize