My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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