i just had sex bonerless
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
