i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
