You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
