I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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