Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
