Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize