she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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