He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
