i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think your dad took our porno
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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