my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize