So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
