I hate all girls vehemently.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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