I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize