so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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