my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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