She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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