Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
