I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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