nut hugger
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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