Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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