do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
and you fell through a lawn chair
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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