Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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