The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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