You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
