I wish I only lived at night.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
