I'm jealous of your bromance
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
