having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
