i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
