laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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