someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
