so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
