god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
