then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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