We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The air taste purple.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
