one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
