haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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