i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
they need to just BURY HIM!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
