I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
