Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
