we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
