I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
