I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
