we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
