i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
