No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
