Sponge bath it is.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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