Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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