i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
handjob tips. give me some.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
