Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
