I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you didnt know i had herpes?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
