I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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