If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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