Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
