i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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