Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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