She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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