Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
