I'm jealous of your bromance
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
